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So yeah, I almost DIED today but obviously...I survived
Sep 21, 2011
As I began to fall into thoughts of NOT having
anything interesting to write and report...
I got into an accident today.
The ingredients for disaster were all there
however with a sweet bit of luck on my side
saved my life.
My upper right thigh's busted up
**Gonna be a hell of a bruise**
(pics to come)
and my left shin.
The reason I'm writing is because I found it quite
interesting, how even though the pain was
I didn't cry.
Just said "FUCK" a whole hell of a lot.
(Told you, I'm not a physical cryer. Comes from the tomboy years
that have failed to leave and holding back tears
from beatings when I was younger.
Like, "FUCK YOU, that don't hurt.")
Today though, after most of the adrenaline subsided
and I calmed down a bit
I felt the urge to cry.
Even now, 30 mins later, if I put my guards down
they creep up and try to come out.
I had a few friends around me at the time who ran to my side.
All I could think about was HOW MUCH WORSE it coulda been.
I guess that realization just HIT my subconscious.
So maybe the tears that wish to flood my cheeks
are tears of joy maybe?
(That it wasn't any worse than it was?)
What say you?
Just goes to show how quickly a second can change someone's life.
(Looking at my younger pics, doesn't help much either. Whenever I see
the cute little thing that used to be me, it makes me think
of my parents and how I wish I could start over. Or, be in those
moments again and cherish each minute with them instead of running away.
I was always running.
Running in every direction BUT theirs.
my life and who I've been throughout the years
isn't what they envisioned when I was joyfully brought into the world...
with so much happiness and hope
and those are the thoughts that sadden me
as I see pics of the adorable little shit that was me.
I can't image what THEY think...when they see pics like this.)
In my eyes, I'm satisfied with the person I am.
But I feel, that I'm a terrible disappointment in theirs.
And that hurts.
**I'm crying now. Grrrrr.**
No Kung Fu today.
My Sifu's SERIOUSLY gonna kick me outta the program!
**Back from some lunch**
It's now 2 and a half hours later.
My body still hasn't settled.
When I thought though, if I were to go (yes, DIE)...
(as I'm prepared to do - my best friends have all my passwords to contact
and access accounts to inform those around me - hey, it's ME.
With the way I live, you just never know and EVEN if you weren't
Smiled at the fact, that if I DID go today...
ALL those I love.
KNOW that I DO.
So, on that note...
Kisses to all of you today.
~ Yes, I was a cute little fuck. And no, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED ~
I love you.
xo Cara xo